october 31st

Happy HALLOWEEN all! i just wanted to say thank you! thank you to all of you! I would not be where I am without all of you. I appreciate you all so much. Here we are.
The other night we had a little going away get together, some close friends generously all made food, we made a feast and had a great "last supper". How is it that food is made more tasty, more beautiful, by the people you share it with? Thank you all. Rosi, Lucille, Shirley, Katrina, Leane, Steph, and Eliz. You made the night so special, i will never forget it. The warmth, of the sisterhood, of the community we share. I am so very blessed and I take a piece of every one of you with me to the holy land. We are so lucky to have one another.
So, it IS halloween. it IS one of my favourite holidays. As my friend Kelly once said "it is the one holiday where every one can be totally freaky and do whatever they want and its totally socially acceptable on that day"... Right on Kelly! Thats right brothah! That it is.
Well, this is supposed to be a blog about India, isn't it? But often it is about whatever is going on for me AROUND my travels to india.
I still can't find my camera. Will there be a mutiny among you if i don't take any new pictures? probably. So i apologize. I don't know what else i can do. maybe it wasn't meant to be, to take pictures. if its any consolation, i tend to be a person who always forgets the camera when there are the most picture worthy things happening anyways, so i miss out. Mom is bringing her camera, so we'll use hers. and as for me... the pictures i would take would be pretty much the same as the ones i posted from the last trip. so ... just peruse those, and imagine that they are from this trip. haha.
happy halloween!!

welcome all!

well.... there's nothing left to say.

its gonna be raining in vancouver when we get there.

I cut my hair. I cut my hair. It is some kind of ... symbolic shedding of weight, letting go of attachments, and it feels so good.

This trip is imminent now. The visa has been more or less secured, (that is a novel unto itself).... so now i'm just wondering what i'm gonna take for a coat?

I don't want to take a too big and bulky coat. ... As nice as it is to have a really warm, cozy cocoon of a coat... i really only need it for two months and i don't really want to pack it around for the other 3. Know what i mean? i'm sure you do. Blankets are a dime a dozen in Rishikesh, wool blankets... and the height of fashion in December and January is to be wrapped up to the tops of the ears in one.

And still the packing heap grows in the corner of my room. I am remembering that i really missed warm fuzzy underclothes two winters ago in northern india. Getting long johns or soft underlayers was almost as challenging as procuring suitable underwear or shoes. So I am bringing long sleeves and pants this time, to keep me cozy.

And Rajni. i am bringing along rajni. Rajni is the first cousin of Raj. And although Raj is an elephant and Rajni is clearly a hippopotamus of the stuffed and furry variety, regardless... they are tight. Raj, the elephant stuffy, will stay in Canada with my friend steph, while Rajni adventures east to far away lands with me. She will double as my companion and pillow for the next few months. Enduring the many plane, train and automobile rides involved in our impending journey. I have specially selected her to accompany me as I anticipate both her company and soft plushness will comfort me on the journey. My mom has 27 pairs of earplugs...and I, I have Rajni. :)

Ok. I am being silly, i admit, but what else is there to do? life is so insanely silly. really. silly. as serious as i try to get, at the end of the day... its all one big joke!

enjoy.

no visa, no passport. why?

I leave for india in a week.

Oddly, i do not feel like i leave for India in a week.

Does this have anything to do with not having Indian visa in hand....... Yet?

I have been just a little bit more than reticent to share this part of the story with you all.

All.

All, like who is reading right now? Maybe two of you. The two of you who are closest to me, are probably reading this right now. You know who you are. And both of you already know.... the story. That my visa is held up. In the Vancouver office. Some glitch. Don’t know if it is sitting on some guy’s desk, unprocessed, unloved. Don’t even know if they received my fax last weekend with the additional information they requested.

I have a requisition in, a request for tracking of my application, and related visa and passport, but no one can tell me anything yet. “Call back tomorrow ma’am”. How many times have i heard this? This is the Indian mantra. Today I was actually advised by the voice on the other end of the line to go ahead and change my ticket. How disheartening is that? But I am not giving up yet. The only way is to persist. Persist, persist, persist.

And so i wait.

It is such an interesting process. Waiting.

As i allow myself to become unpinned, from routine, from schedule, from day to day responsibilities. As my usual preoccupations gradually shift from teaching yoga classes and making appointments, being a business woman, doing business, i slowly start to come unhinged. The necessary unhinging process.

How do i explain this to most?

Today I described it as letting go into the magic.

But how do I explain this feeling to someone who has never let go? Who has never given up every job, every possession, every relationship, to go travelling? Because inherently, in every trip, there lives the possibility that you will never come back. You may die. You may fall in love....

And its not only that.

I watched a travel special yesterday morning, with Jeremy Piven, a movie star/American tv star, and he goes to India, to Delhi, to Rishikesh. He goes to exactly where I go. He talks to the people I talk to, he stands on the bridge i stand on. Looking out over the river Ganga. And his feeling is the same as my feeling when i am there. I can see it in his eyes. A loosening. A loosening of all the holds and ties and binds that we have to this world. And it is freedom. It is not escape. It is a letting go into what’s real. A release from the worry about how you will pay the rent, or pay your bills or save for retirement. Something else there is real. More real than these things. These things are only superficial. Surface. When you die, those things will mean nothing, how you paid the rent, or the bills or retirement.

So now, during this time that I am pairing down my responsibilities here. Packing. Making plans with friends to say goodbye, to eat dinners..... i am feeling the shift. The loosening. I cannot explain it. I don’t know why i even try. Perhaps because I encourage you all to try it.

It is scary. It is scary when all you have known is security and sameness and stability.

I admire that. I applaud that. I respect that. Security, reliability and stability are very important and valuable.

Sometimes i am envious of those who are satisfied and content with that. Sometimes I feel cursed. Sometimes I feel cursed that I cannot sit still for three full years without a trip, cursed that I get restless and need to move. Cursed that I would give up everything, just to feel free, unencumbered and putting my faith in the universe to protect and provide for me. Cursed that i need this and crave this to feel alive.

Or is it a blessing? To need so little. To live out of a suitcase. To be so adaptable to change. To move so freely. To feel happy when i do. I don’t care if i have nothing. I judge myself for it sometimes, for having nothing, yes. But in that... is a freedom.

can't find my CAMERAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

close calls

whew~

well,

mom got her visa back, her passport, visa approved and stamped in her passport. Me? nothing.

Mom got hers back, i got nothing. Very Worrisome. Tried not to sweat bullets. Tried.

We sent our applications off to vancouver, together, in the same envelope, and she got hers sent back, but no sign of mine. VErrrrry worrisome. So i called on friday. They looked me up, by name, by birthdate, by passport number. "No record ma'am". YIKES!! they have no record of me. so they HAVE my passport. I know they have received my application, because they received, approved and sent back my moms. So, what to do?

He told me to call back tomorrow.

Well today, they called me: "There is a problem with your application...". oh god. what is it. Is it something i can fix? Something I can do something about? Or is it something i can do nothing about. Is my mom going to India alone?

"You haven't filled out question nine completely: what are the details of your employment?" That is question nine. So. This lovely woman just asked that i fax them a letter stating that i give them permission to fill in the needed information and for me to provide the name of my employer. So i did. I did it all. and with great relief that it wasn't something more serious.

phew!

so that's it.

crisis over.

man, make me sweat or what.

dad and i winterized my car today, changed the oil. i love my dad. he supervised me while i crawled under my car and undid the bolt plug thingy.... unscrewed the filter..... tried to keep the black oil off me.... did pretty good. i did it... dad stood outside and smoked. fun. we had a lot of laughs.

we cleaned my battery posts, changed the oil, i topped up the power steering fluid and the coolant for winter. we also "macgivered" a metal panel that was loose. he figures it was part of the exhaust system. the bolts were rusted out and the piece was loose and rattling. we found some new, bigger washers and fixed it up. my dad is the bomb! so much fun.

thanks dad! i love my dad.

3 weeks

3 weeks. its three weeks until we leave. hmmm, what am i forgetting? ah well, its not that important anyway. If i have my toothbrush and a couple changes of underpants. .... won't that be enough? hope so. Really, i am so relaxed about the trip this time, it's worrisome. Am i too lackadaisical? does this blog site have spell check? don't think so.

So i've been poking around on the internet researching the new place mom and i are going. We are going to the place i was before in india, of course, but we are also going to a new place: the BEACH!! yipee!!! Goa. I wanted to go to Goa last time but didn't. LOVE the beach, love the water and the sand between the toes. right? And its fun to go to a new place. i love new places, always a new adventure, no expectations, never know whats going to happen. that is my idea of a good time. We are all so different, aren't we? Another person might be so happy just to go home. Never want to go any place new. Sees it as a total inconvenience, a complete pain in the ----- butt. But not me. No. I am happiest on the road. For some reason. Happy. Content from head to toe. Weird.\

So Goa. So excited. Beachside huts to rent, right on the beach, sound of the surf lulling you to sleep every night. We will be there in January, when the weather is fine, when the weather in Rishikesh gets seriously cold, we will be at the beach. Good idea mom. yay! We will be there for about 3 weeks. Enough time to seriously chill OUT! banana pancakes and coconut curries... here we come! yum.

O......M......G.......

the visa process is exhausting me! I am not even going to bore you with the details anymore. It couldn't have been a more convoluted process. Really. So we'll just suffice to say that tomorrow... TOMORROW, i think, i will be officially mailing off our applications for our indian visas. HOPEFULLY, Vancouver consular services will find all our paperworks in order and up to snuff. I think they will. I think we jumped through all the proverbial hoops that were set up for us. (and this ain't no Cirque du Soleil here people!)

All the while I am having lovely dreams about gardens full of perfectly ripe vegetables and love and very ripe red tomatoes..... hmmm. Anyhow. All that aside.

I don't really know if I am up to this writing stuff. I know the blog is here but... i just don't know if I have it in me anymore. Maybe i will get kick started once we get on the road. Travelling always seems to loosen the ink from my pen.

Ya, cause its not all that exciting to write about Canada, or Kamloops, when we're all here now, is it? No, we want to hear about elephants and cobras and tales from exotic lands.

I want to travel to a few more countries. I think I will, once 2012 comes and goes, work on moving south. I can write from there, and teach from there. I still want to go to the Maldives.... in the Indian Ocean, especially before it goes completely underwater (google: global warming, people). South America calls, and also just the good old Yucatan, where I have always felt at home. As well, I can add to my list: BALI, thanks to Eat, Pray, Love, the movie. But it was calling to me before that. Yup, I miss the ocean, something fierce. When I was in Van that couple weeks ago, I visited all my favourite haunts. It is fun to visit Van and go to all your old favourite spots: your favourite beach (not telling), your favourite sushi restaurant, your favourite gyoza restaurant (dead give away there) and your favourite spot to go on a Sunday morning to drink a nice coffee, eat a fresh pastry, read the paper outside, feed the seagulls and watch the sailboats. Ya, Vancouver is awesome. Anyhows, i waaaaay digress. (Ok, i give in, this writing IS fun). So I miss the ocean, yes, (there we were), so in Van I went down to my beach on a Saturday late afternoon to watch the sunset. I love this beach, its a great swimming spot as the currents run right past it, circulating clear water. It is relatively quiet and tucked away, and it is clean. On special days, there is even A wave! One wave. I saw someone surf it there once. I love that beach. Don't know why, its just the way it feels, and the fact that in the summer, you can swim there. It is beautiful. So I kicked off my sandals and stood in the edge of the water and the water splashed playfully on my feet. It was cold. There were kids. Nice kids, kids I enjoyed watching at the beach. This beach attracts interesting and beautiful people. Someone had flippers and a mask and was swimming and diving waaay out. Two kayakers pulled up and hung out for awhile. This very elder woman in a wetsuit waded in right in front of me and swam out. It was COLD, but these people LOVE the ocean, just like me. I sat down on the sand and was just mesmerized. Somehow being next to the sea and looking out at it, hearing the waves in your ears, just clears your head. Its like... your thoughts can just stop for a moment and you can rest on that sound of the sea, like everything is going to be OK. Everything IS ok. Just fine. Just you and the sea. What else do you need?