Post wedding bliss

So... here we are. Married. Of course its been a really busy few days so havn't had a chance to get online. Plus my sister in law just broke her foot yesterday so i have been helping her out so she can rest. I had a cold the couple days after the wedding and was in bed mostly resting. So ya, its been kinda nuts. Funny that.... well sad kinda, that after being to india so many times and living here for several months, it doesn't seem like there is anything to write about anymore, cause i've said it all before. everything just appears normal to me now, not noteworthy in my mind. Its raining today. That's different. I just spent 6 hours doing cooking and dishes at the house and i've stepped out to take a break. The rain is nice. I am sitting at Divine hotel restaurant which has wi fi and overlooks the river. Its kinda cool and relaxing here. i'm the only one here. sipping a coffee. i think it was nescafe. boooo. its so bad i think i have to send it back and order a pot of masala chai for my sanity. blechhht!! Today i was reminded how hard indian women work. Even if they don't have a garden and livestock to care for. I mean... of course it takes ritu a fraction of the time to perform the tasks that take me hours, like making roti or dahl, or packing someone a lunch or washing a few dishes. but still.... it is a heck of a lot of work every day and i am glad that i have already discovered that i am not tough enough nor stalwart enough for the job. Although I AM loyal, reliable, and hardworking, just not THAT hardworking :) I admire the women here for the job they do. So the wedding was a grande success. Everyone including the bride and groom had a funtastic time and i really couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect ceremony and celebration for myself. i will post some pictures.

wikipedia: (i cried) In North Indian weddings, the bride and the groom say the following words after completing the seven steps: "We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. May the plants be honey-sweet for us. May the sun be all honey for us. May the cows yield us honey-sweet milk. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our union be permanently settled."[ Neo India - A foreigners guide to traditional Hindu weddings: (i just about died laughing reading this article) You could look up the various individual rituals – kanyaa daan, saptapadi, etc. – that comprise a Hindu wedding on Wikipedia, but it wouldn’t be helpful, because the priest who is conducting the wedding ceremony is probably doing something totally different, because he hasn’t read the Wikipedia page. and: Even though most weddings are now held indoors, the mandap is canopy-covered because Hindu weddings are traditionally supposed to be held outdoors. However, even if the wedding were being held outdoors, you still wouldn’t be allowed to wear your shoes in the mandap. Basically, what we’re trying to say is, taking off your shoes increases the number of places you can safely visit in a Hindu wedding – if you’re willing to take off your shirt, you could probably sit right next to the priest.

Googling "what does a traditional hindu bride do?" I'm in bed with a cold. Nice right? 4 days before my wedding. Hahaha. Funny how... it has become such a "wedding". I mean... i never saw myself getting married really. Never had a great respect for the institution itself, always felt that... i didn't want a piece of paper dictating that i needed to stay with someone for the rest of my life... always wanted to choose that every morning by waking up and deciding that i wanted to be with that person each day.... never wanted to fall into a rut of taking them for granted or ceasing to make an effort to make the relationship thrive and grow and become an ongoing inspiration or teaching tool for both partners. But i've always been idealistic. In bed with a cold, nothing serious. Time to reflect. Time to research. Just curious. It's becoming such a "wedding", i'm sure as most weddings do. The purpose for both of us was just to get it done, but inevitably, as things unfold... there are certain protocols and preferences, even my own that i didn't even know existed, that begin to show themselves... and things get increasingly more elaborate as the day grows closer. But we are happy with the developments. It is still rather relaxed. Spending the day in bed is a luxury i am happy to enjoy at the moment. I always thought i would like to get married barefoot on a beach somewhere. I can understand why people elope. But as i said, i am content with the goings on. nothing is over the top and everything is perfect so far. It just occurs to me like a dream sometimes, when i take a moment to step back and take a look. Now... back to my research. :)

It's easy to look at someone else's travel photos while you are sitting at home and think "oh wow, how fantastic someone else's life seems compared to mine". i do it all the time when i am home. But just remember: we can only post photos of exotic places and fun activities, but it is impossible to post photos of inner turmoil, mental disturbances, pain, worry or stress. We don't see that posted on facebook or on a blog, yet every one of us feels these things, regardless of where we are. Sometimes we might feel like we can momentarily escape from these things by travelling somewhere, but it turns out to be only a distraction for us. The only true freedom from these things comes from within, and from the constant acceptance of these things as normal and fine and just as lovely as the more favourable points of view that we have sometimes. All is perception, not reality. Reality is that we just are as we are. Things just are as they are. This happens, that happens. Only our attachment to them or aversion to them cause the suffering. On another more tangible note: the more i am away from canada, though i LOVE canada, the more crazy our life there seems. The endless chasing after things, after success, after achievements, up, up, up, without taking the time to actually enjoy the things that are free. It truly is a rat race. The longer i stay here, the less my life in canada actually makes sense to me sometimes when i think of it. it all just seems like such senseless striving at the expense of our relationships with eachother and time spent together just being. we ARE human beings ,not human DOINGS, after all. as my mother reminded me on the plane ride over here. Don't get me wrong, I love my life in Canada, i LOVE the lifestyle , all the fancy things, and the stuff that works and isn't broken. The systems that function in a reliable predictable fashion. So unlike India with it's unpredictability and bank machines that are out of cash today, and street lights that haven't been operational in decades, and bribes to officials and power outages, and cable break downs, and interruptions to internet service. Life just goes on, people adjust, people are used to it. Every time i come here i am hit by the generosity of the people, the warmth, the thoughtfulness, the intense HUMANNESS that is on display here that makes me feel like my life back home is missing something. Something i didn't even know it was missing until i came to india the first time. Maybe that is part of the reason i am marrying an indian man. maybe its to bring a part of that part i feel i am missing back with me. maybe it is to have a constant reminder in my life every day of what is truly important. like a life line. having my brother, my mother, my step-father here is amazing. having family here is heaven. i only wish my dad could have come, but i feel him here in spirit.

paperwork and wedding shopping

I’ve had a few incredible days since we’ve been here a week, but no time to write about them. It’s amazing having my family and Nakul’s family all on the same property. It’s like our first family reunion EVER and it’s a month long affair. Everyone is enjoying eachother immensely and relationships are flourishing, including mine and Nakul’s. It’s a beautifully rich experience, I really couldn’t ask for more. I am getting used to the idea, day by day, of having a husband, of being married, of being a wife. It’s super bizarre but i love it. Today was a big paperwork day. If you thought paperwork in Canada was a headache.... try it in India. Haha. The nice thing is that...it’s a rather social event. Even though it took most of the day, from 10am to 8pm with about a 3hour break in the middle when we came home to rest, we were with two of Nakul’s friends, Pramod and Gopal, who were there with us for both moral support and for expertise and guidance regarding all things bureaucratic. We were arranging the paperwork that will allow us to marry in a Hindu ceremony, foreigner with Indian, and allow us to have the ceremony at a hilltop temple in the mountains about 25km out of town. There are several hoops to jump through and people to speak to and offices to visit and papers to have drawn up and notarized and signed and stamped, applications and long waits and fees to pay... photocopies and photographs, perhaps bribes, long conversations in Hindi between our group and various officials and religious representatives, long conversations and plenty of joking around within our group of three boys and myself, to make the whole day tolerable, finished off with a couple plates of Tibetan momos and some Chinese macaroni before finally heading home at the end of the night. Night? Yes night. We were at it all day and all night. From 10am to 3pm and then again from 5:30 to 8pm. Nothing happens fast. I always enjoy riding around on the back of the scooter, through traffic, through the market, dodging traffic and pedestrians. Tonight on our way home, Nakul drove straight towards the big white market bull. You’ll know the one i’m talking about if you’ve ever spent any amount of time in Rishikesh market. He just plies the main road, back and forth, back and forth. I am not sure if there is any vehicle that does not get out of his way. He has testicles the size of small watermelons and his back stands somewhere around 6ft. His head looks you straight in the eye if you happen to come up against him. Nakul drove so close before swirving, I could have reach out a hand and touched him. Lots of cows here. Street cows like street dogs. That’s no secret. But its the bulls who run the road. Bulls seem to trump almost everything on the road in india because they have a touchy temperament. A bull can decide for no reason at all that he doesn’t care for you and toss his head in your direction, pointing a horn at you. So everyone gives them a wide berth, just in case. Lots of times bulls get into tussles with one another and can knock over street vendors or damage property, so storekeepers tend to try to scare them off with sticks or yelling. Anyhow, i digress. I’m tired and not thinking straight. So , the paperwork, at this end, is almost finished, it looks like we are in the free and clear to do this at the temple of our choice: Kunjapuri. We have been holding our breath that everything will go smoothly and all the palms that need greasing will be well lubricated and their attached owners properly pacified so they give their stamp of approval. It is quite a labrynth to navigate; a complex system designed to put money in the pockets of several individuals with all their manufactured documents and regulations that mean next to nothing at the end of the day. The ceremony will probably be in the morning sometime on the 24th once we get all the people biked and transported up there. Thinking around 35 people or so. The ceremony is 2-3 hours. You can see the snow on the Himalayan peaks from the temple. The ceremony will be outdoors, with everyone seated around us i think. Should be cool. The day after the ceremony there will be a fire ceremony to celebrate and also to bring good fortune to our future and then a big feast and dancing and all that. Then there will be another set of paperwork as we go in for the court marriage. Which is the official government marriage. So more paperwork there. Yay. Last week me, Nakul, Nirmal (Nakul’s) bro and Ritu (my sister in law) went shopping in the market for some final wedding preparations. They had already got my wedding sari, red, green and gold and my suit for the after party and the necklace, earring set, which are so gorgeous. We took the material in to the tailors to get fitted for the blouse to be made. Also we bought some wedding shoes for me and some other small details like henna and decorations, bindis, kerchiefs and things. Oh and rings we got too. It was really hard to choose what i liked when asked because i have no experience in such things and its all so outside of my fashion sense. I don’t know what looks good, i mean, the ring was pretty easy to choose, but like... choosing necklaces and shoes??? I had a lot of help with those things. Our families went river rafting on ma Ganga (the Ganges). I always thought that must be sacrilegious here but it’s really really popular and they get around it by chanting and hailing ma Ganga while rafting, so i suppose the god’s are ok with it. Well, its late, i gotta get to bed.

6am yoga

Left 6am yoga this morning in complete bliss. My teacher does not disappoint. Just show up and let go. Reminded me how.... we don't come to yoga class to achieve the crazy and wildest poses. Though that's cool. We come for liberation. Our goal is to touch our true essence, our pure natural state, and that is one of bliss, anand. I am reminded this in class. Our focus is not on performing feats of the physical. In the west I remember that we are way obsessed with the physicality of yoga, to the detriment of the deeper parts of yoga available to us. Today we chanted, we breathed, we slowed everything down, "advanced yoga" my teacher calls it. In life we speed around, we move so fast, our intellect engaged. When we slow down, we switch the mind off, something else takes over he tells us. So turn off the mind, find your breath, slow down. As we basically did gentle yoga with breath, with exaggerated slowness, I snuck my eyes open and peaked around the room. I was wondering.... "what do some of these yoginis think right now?". It is the 500hr teacher training going on, so 36 of the 60 some odd people in the room were in the training and had been there only a week, exposed to my teacher's rather un-western approach to yoga. I wondered if they thought "what are we DOING? this is not yoga! This is like... so beginner yoga, I am not getting a good stretch on, i am not getting a good "work-out" in". I wondered if some of them would leave after the 4 weeks with a physical practice that was more rusty than when they came and wondering if they would pick up on the "other" that was being offered up instead. :) It IS so hard to put these things into words, but when I am there, I am reminded of it and it is so tangible, you feel it can be touched.