delirius rambling.... is it the heat, the jetlag or malaria?

I really don't know where to begin or what to begin to say about it here. For those of you who've been here... you know what i mean. Not to sound exclusionary but.... it really is beyond anything you can imagine until you come. It truly is a juxtaposition of opposites. Just in the... 3 days i've been here, i've noticed that the technology can be impressive for a country that has such issues with poverty and sanitation. flatscreen plasma t.v. in my 50$ hotel room (a splurge) when the sheets hadn't been changed when they cleaned the room the table not wiped, etc. i had to ask them to come in an change the sheets for me in front of my eyes.

The women are beautiful. South Indians wear quite traditional garb, especially the women, they are in saris, always, and they float down the dirty streets, sometimes barefoot. many go barefoot as shoes just seem unnecessary. i don't blame them in this heat and humidity.

I have seen the nicest neighbourhood right next to the poorest. I took a wrong turn and got lost down these alleyway type streets where people are living ... well, they are not really living. it is hard on the eyes, and i felt like such an intruder, like i was walking right through their livingroom. Already i am grateful for so many things. that is a gift a trip like this brings you. I am grateful that i have not been hassled at all. i am ignored. no one cares. i have gone 2 whole days without seeing a non-indian person. I didn't expect it to be this way. and for all those times i complained when i was travelling, that there were too many foreignors. Now there are none. After the luxurious first night stay at the regent, i moved into the place i was thinking of staying for the month i'm in school. It looked fine enough, clean, very basic, very very basic, no a/c. just a net for mosquitoes. no fridge. there were two other rooms booked by students of my course who hadn't arrived yet. although there was a kitchen, the fridges were in their rooms, so i could share but they'd have to be home. Ya, so at first, i thought i could make a go of it. i fantasized and romanticized how austere it was, how i wouldn't be sleeping on a high and cozy bed (mom, you'll appreciate this a la Goenkaji). the bed was in fact, comfortable, just a foam on a wooden slat, firm, and more comforable than most beds i sleep on at home. i figured it would be a good exercise for me in going without creature comforts. WELL, that idea went out the window at about...2 in the morning. The problem is.. i have jetlag pretty bad right now. Since the time difference is exactly 12 hours from Vancouver, it's the worst i've ever had, worse than tokyo, worse than paris. plus the heat and humidity. now i'm not a big a/c fan, but when you're so badly jetlagged and there's mosquitoes, and cats mating and puppies crying.... well, its too much. i didn't sleep in the night, i just layed there trying to think cool thoughts. i'd get up, i'd read, i'd write, i'd have a shower, i'd eat some papaya, but basically, it was tough. so then i started daydreaming about going home.

And i knew this would happen, it always does on trips like this. i entertain serious thoughts about turning back, of chickening out, and it always comes right before a really big breakthrough, like, i'm feeling all discouraged and disheartened and like everything is too hard, i just want to go home and then something makes me stay and i end up having an amazing trip that would have never happened if i had turned back. but knowing this, doesn't help keep me from day dreaming about it in my sleepless night. and i wonder to myself if my delirium is caused by the jetlag (which makes you feel insane), the heat, or the too much sun i got during the day walking around trying not to get ran over in the street by cars, people, rickshaws, buses and bikes. i had to learn how to cross the street all over again or.



i have a headache now, i think it is caused by all the shuffling around my auto rickshaw i did today. resorted to holding my hat over my mouth as a mask. it helped tremendously. the autorickshaws sound like lawnmowers, except when they sound like snowmobiles.

i am getting used to walking down the street now, already. it doesn't take long.

i had forgotton how you have to get used to a place and at first, it feels really really weird, then you just, i don't know, get used to it. it becomes normal to you, all the chaos and filth and noise and people and animals. i know it will be shocking to go home now. india takes longer to get used to than any other place i've been though. i underestimated it. so i am having to be gentle with myself. i gave up on my dream of staying in the cheap but clean austere place. i know i will not survive the no a/c, the mosquitos and the no fridge. the neighbourhood too, was strange. i must have walked around for four hours and could not find a place that sold fruit or food, let alone a supermarket. do they have supermarkets in india? i haven't seen one yet. i finally settled on the two guys with papayas and some other green fruit that smelled like passionfruit on their carts. fruit is cheap and good. lived on it for a whole day and a half. i didn't want to take any chances on food this early in the game, from uncertain sources. i'm trying to be super super careful. until i get my feet under me. i have enough to contend with right now, getting oriented and getting un-jetlegged, the last thing i need is to have a bad belly too. so being super careful.

ok, that is all i can type for now. i'm going to try to download some videos onto here. or at the very least, some photos. i am a terrible tourist, i don't take my camera out and i don't take pictures out. it is so conspicuous and i discovered that i really like to blend in (as if that's happening anyway). i assuage my concerns about this by telling myself that i will take pictures when i am in the beautiful countryside. aside from the beautiful women in saris in the street, why would i take pictures of these people's misery? everyone here works very hard, everyone is busy. so that is a good thing. i have some big decisions to make regarding what i need to do next.