saturday

Well, I just received my first email from a Baba (a spiritual renunciate). He is not my Baba, he is my friend Naomi's Baba (if one can have ownership over a Baba). Such technology. Our Baba's also have cel phones, so I guess renunciation does not include technology. After all, Baba's have to keep in touch too.
I just had tea with my Bengali family. A couple of days ago I resolved my unresolved issue around the whole passing of the father and my not joining them in the mourning with all the rest of the village; going totally against my natural inclination to go in with them that fateful evening. Yes, a couple of days ago I spoke with one of the sons and explained my dilemma and my intense regret at having stayed away and my cultural issue that kept me outside and how I had felt in my heart to go in but let my head talk me out of it.
It was basically a non-issue for him and for them and he invited me in to see his mother and have tea and to look at the pictures of the wake and the funeral procession and the ceremonial cremation.
It was better late than never for me, and today was the second time I have visited since the night they brought his body home. It was very cathartic and therapeutic for me and necessary, I realized, to bring peace to myself around the situation.
I still regret not having joined in that evening. I can't describe the feelings in words, I'm sorry, it's not possible. But the regret is somewhat eased by having spent some time with them since.
I have a difficult time not breaking down in tears when I am with them but I know that I must hold this back, as one of the sons requested me to please not cry. The mother is not doing well at all, she is having breathing problems and stomach problems. She is not the same woman as before, not at all. She was a very happy woman before, glowing, married to her husband, because he was such a great man, as I have said, so kind and generous to all in the community, to all who came. It must be a great joy and sense of pride to stand behind a man like that. I think I understand.
This family has touched my heart in a place so deep I didn't even know existed inside me. They have no idea, and they will never know, and I will never be able to express to them, the change they have caused in me, just by living their lives and inviting me in. It is for this reason that I cry and am so moved, not only for the passing of their father.
So, I did the right thing. I shyed away initially, but I went back and connected, and for that, my soul feels peace.
I am leaving Rishikesh tomorrow for a spell, but will be back in January for my teacher training. In February, the oldest son gets married and I have been invited to the wedding. So of course I will attend. The cycle of life continues.
Tomorrow I head to an ashram 17km downriver from here. There I will take a course in Yoga Therapy. I don't know if there will be internet or how easy it will be to travel into town to find internet, so there may be a brief cut in communications here. Until mid January.
so if this is the case, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, happy happy solstice and a fabulous new year. I love you all!
and to all you ski/snowboard bums.........................ride your faces off please, for me.