untoward tales of underwear

HA HA HA< And I thought I would have nothing to write about on this trip to India, thinking, so mistakenly, that I must have seen everything, done everything the first time. How wrong I was.

My original opening for this posting was going to be a "plea". A desperate plea for assistance, to all of you, to send me some UNDERWEAR! please.

You see, this is the story: From all the oil massages (rather more like oil "baths") of the panchkarma program we just completed, many pairs of underthings were virtually ruined as you cannot wash the oil stain or the herbed oil smell out of these garments.

I knew the whole underpants thing was an issue in India from my first trip when I attempted to buy a simple tank top undershirt type thing. The underclothes issue is just like the shoes issue here.... can't find any that work. They are just too uncomfortable, too poorly made or too ugly. Call me vain but shoes and underwear are the two things I do not skimp on when packing to come here.

So.
Mom and I were both in this kind of situation with the underpants, so she ventured down to the market yesterday and came back with these "things". Four pairs that you can't try on because there is no change room she came back with. Well be both try them on when she gets them home and its like.... imagine for a moment the MOST uncomfortable pair of underpants you have ever put on before in your life. It was like that! So they are basically useless. maybe to polish the bathroom floor or something like that.

So today marked another first for me.... I went to the market, I saw the places, the stalls in the street, the streetside shops from where she bought the ill-fitting ones, I passed them by and I thought to myself: what are these women wearing under their sarees then? what? Cause I don't care HOW tough you are, they are NOT wearing these super duper uncomfy grey jobbies next to their delicate skin.

Then i saw it. The "lingerie" shop. (There are no department stores per se in this part of the country as far as I know). So this was an India "first" for me today... My first trip to an Indian lingerie shop.

So first of all, the shop is staffed entirely by men. There are no fewer than 5 of them, of varying ages. Trying to appear as undaunted as possible when I walk in, all 10 eyes turn towards me... I decide to just take the bull by the horns (so to speak) and announce "ok, who speaks the best English?". Because can you imagine buying panties, in India, from a team of all male sales clerks?

Before continuing, I must tell you that this is a culture, in case you are unawares, where the women bath in the river fully clothed while men are free to urinate in the streets, just with their backs turned to you. Not that I am judging. It is what it is. I just want you to know that it is a very conservative country when it comes to sexuality, to undergarments, to public displays of affection or other such indiscretions. It is not better or worse necessarily, than our culture in some respects, it is simply different. If one wanted to qualify it, I would have to say that there are positive things and not so positive things in both our cultures, and vast differences to go with them.

Men and women are happily segregated in many circumstances here and the system works quite nicely. That is why I was so shocked to find that I was about to have this experience of discussing with and purchasing my delicates from a handful of Indian males. I am not even barely comfortable buying underwear from a gay male clerk in Canada, for the simple fact that I am just wondering how he can possibly know the intricacies of the what we are dealing with here?
That reminds me of a story where I actually did have to buy a bikini, in Kamloops no less, with a gay male clerk's assistance, but that is another story and i will digress if i tell it. so....


Sticking to india... it was hilarious. It was just one of those priceless moments I love about the silly place.
I couldn't help myself from then exclaiming, since I was the only customer in the store "how is it that it is all men working in a store that sells women's underthings?!". To which one of the older gentlemen rationally replied "ma'am, anything can happen in India". Well i could not argue with that.


Ok, so let's get down to business. When buying products in India: shawls, rugs, shirts, bedsheets or scarves, it is customary for the shopkeeper to spread out, with a flourish, every style, fabric, or colour variation that you show the slightest passing interest in, for your scrutiny and/or perusal. When buying underwear, the process differs not. As I pointed to displays and colours to one man, he would say something to another man at the other corner of the store who would then pull boxes out and toss them across the store to other man. He would then open each box, inside were other boxes, and he would open those ones too and out would come...... the panty. Every panty was granny style. Varying colours and designs, but every style was granny. Now i have nothing against them in principle, I just personally find them not very comfortable, too much fabric. But they were soft and the elastic was soft and well....I guess I don't need to turn this into a lesson on how to buy decent panties. I did look at quite a few and tried to guess at the size that would be most comfortable, without being over-large. I kept thinking: wow, is THIS what everyone is wearing under their beautiful sarees and salwar kameez? granny panties? There were a couple of sexier varieties there, but they were lots more expensive and didn't look all that well-made or comfortable. Plus, what am i gonna do with sexy panties way over here in India?
Ok, waaaay too much information. Again, I apologize. I REALLy apologize. Just being real here.
I guess as I am getting older each year, I don't have quite so many taboo subjects in my repetoire any more. Whatever. Its life. We are human and we all have to wear underwear.

So that is pretty much the end of my Indian underwear story. I made my decision, they wrapped them discretely in brown paper as they assured me that the "BODY CARE" brand of underthings were the top quality in India. And then I left. Mission accomplished.
And that is the story of my trip to the lingerie store in Rishikesh.


I brought them home. I tried them on. They'll do.
I'm sure you are so relieved to know that.
HAHAHAA.
ok well folks,
that's it for real news from Rishikesh.

hope you are all enjoying that snow we got, and the cold weather. What to say? Just remember, its all the same in the end so it make no difference to have one preference or another, snow or no snow, cold or no cold.

I bought purple leg warmers and orange mittens to keep me warm here cause its cold here too, and no central heating and no fireplaces. maybe it gets down to plus 5 at night here in dec. jan, so that is where we are heading, which is why WE are heading south december 21st. Spicejet airlines will take us in 2.5hrs what would take us 38hrs on the train. We will fly there (Goa) and save that deliciously long train ride for the trip back to delhi at the end of Jan. (just a smattering of sarcasm there)

ok,
really gotta fly now.
have a wedding to attend (or maybe its just the reception, i wasn't clear) and i still have to pick my clothes up from the tailors.

love you all,
doing my best to keep you posted.

peace.