come what may....

I love India. Again.
It all just came back to me why. Its all the unexpected surprises. The way things work out sometimes in the most magical way. In letting go, there is space... for miracles to occur, as long as you don't fight the UN-miracles: the poverty, the apparent suffering and struggle for survival. Take the good with the "bad".

In the west, we try to control everything, we know pretty much what to expect at every turn, not much is left up to chance, we seem to like it that way. Faith is not required.
By comparison, here, so much seems to be left up to chance. Take the following exchange I had yesterday with a guy yesterday when we were looking for a room:
guy: "OH, you want to rent a room here? well the boss isn't here, but he'll be back in 3 days." (this is my translated version, the ACTUAL version sounds more like: "oh, room? (so and so) no here. back 3 days.") (this is another small miracle, that many people of India blessedly can speak SOME English, and I think I know about 4 words in Hindi.
so then i respond to that: "oh, so, i'll come back in three days then" (at this point there's no point in mentioning that we need the room for today)
guy: "yes ma'am".
Exchanges like that. Totally random. Totally no concern for the fact that business might be lost by this. This is totally normal. "come back later ma'am". just later.

Strangely, I am not frusterated or exasperated in the least by these exchanges. Instead it feels like India and its people slowly transform you into this patient, accepting person who can enjoy the small and simple things in life, if you allow it and them to change you. As a result of one door appearing to close, another one opens and you step through and continue on your path of destiny losing barely a moment hesitation/trepidation. If you let go of your strong Western impulse to change them, to "improve" them. I mean, sure, there are problems in India, no one denies that, but there is so much to be learned too, if you allow it.

I remembered also that the most fun writing on the blog is writing in real time and then firing it off into cyberspace. This is the best way.

As you may or may not know, I have bravely brought my computer here. So far so good yes?
I had this brilliant idea that I would write all my blogs and emails on my computer in the comfort of my guesthouse or ashram THEN pop it onto my pen drive and just trot down to the internet cafe, spend about 10 minutes posting and sending it all, copy the incoming emails and then head home. Sounded good on paper but it doesn't work.
I mean, it works, theoretically, I guess, but there are a couple of snags. One of them is the creative juices just don't seem to flow when you are not "online" realtime, the second is that I can't seem to keep track of what i've posted and what i haven't, what emails i've responded to and which ones i haven't, so its a bit of mess in that respect. So i've given up on trying to save 50cents and time in the cafe by doing it that way. i'll just camp my butt down here at the internet place every few days and get'er all done at once.

Anyhow.
So logistics aside, here is where we're at:

I am sitting at our neighbourhood internet joint, drinking my warm milk with cardomom and raisins that I got from the ayurvedic restaurant near where we are staying. The NEW place we are staying.

I want to apologize to any of you who were reading about my graphic description of the panchkarma treatments. it was not my intention to offend anyone but I made a vow to myself that I would not censor myself in my writing on this blog, come what may.

Today was a milestone. Mom and I both finished our panchkarma program and we moved into some new digs. Its a nice little room with a balcony and a view, away from the hustle and bustle, up a bit in the hills and close to the ashram. Its mom's place really. I'm only staying there one night and then its back to the ashram for me. 6am yoga classes here i come!

I am glad i went through the panchkarma process with her, to support her, and also for my own health and wellbeing. Now that she is established and more or less sick of me micro managing her life here, she can branch out and do her own thing and i can go back to doing mine. She may continue with a few more days of panchkarma, she hasn't decided yet.

Mom and me hit a wall, not a hard wall, just a soft, padded, slightly fuzzy wall. After sleeping head to head for almost 20 days now, (often sharing the same bed) we are both ready for a little space. Nice that its mutual and no one's feelings are bruised. I am feeling fully confident and at ease with her doing everything on her own, going anywhere on her own. She is totally self-sufficient and i'm sure, wanting to be free of my protective smothering mothering to explore the rest of rishikesh on her own.

It is really nice for me too, and I know it will be for her the same, to have time alone to just reflect. No distractions, no one chit chattering to you all the time about the most mundane things.

Have you ever wondered how much of what comes out of our mouths is not only mostly unnecessary but how it is totally NOT an improvement on the perfect silence that came before it? I have.

Hmm, so what's next?
the panchkarma was pretty cool. There is absolutely too much to say about it here... and i fear i've said too much already, haha.

So ya, now mom will camp out at "her place" and "get organized". I put that in quotations because she is constantly obsessed with getting organized. She says it is an age related thing. I figure if i need to be THAT organized by the time i'm her age, I better start now!

And the ashram awaits me. I will have 3 weeks with my teacher before he leaves for Canada for a month and a half (ironic right, i come here to see him, and he goes to canada!) But he'll be back at the end of january for 2 months, so i will get to spend all of february and march with him.

So then the next thing is mom and i planning out our travel plans for the next couple of months. we will leave rishikesh around dec. 15th. spend about a week at another ashram downriver i wanted her to see, and then head to Agra to see the Taj Mahal! It is possible we may spend christmas there.

We are both quite eager to arrive in Goa in the south. That is our destination after Agra and it will be a month there, doing www.greatfreedom.org (i think that is the address) and eating coconut curries and walking barefoot in the sand in the surf at the beach. hip hip hurray!! It will be so warm and inviting there compared to here in the winter so i am so looking forward to that time. Not that i don't love it here, but something different is always fun.

Mom is having a great time. I am so relieved that she loves India as much as I do and is adjusting like a fish takes to water.

well, i better sign off. have some emails to get to.
much peace and love to all, and leave comments if you have any so i know i am not just writing to the ether. or email me! cause i love to get emails from home. makes me feel connected.
love and kisses!

oh, before i go, i just wanted to tell you quick what the last day of panchkarma was like today. We did the usual hot oil massage, and oiling of the nose, ears and eyes, and the crown of my head, that was all usual stuff.... but for the grande finale, both the girls covered my whole body with mud and let me simmer for a bit with that, then they had these sort of round firm sponges that they dipped in some kind of heated liquid herbal "scrub" and they simultaneously rubbed me all down in small circles, toe to neck, redipping their sponges in the warm substance every few seconds. Here I am, laying there with my eyes closed and rose water soaked cotton balls over my eyes (standard issue) with no clue as to what is going on, or what may transpire next, cause they don't tell you, and the two girls speak about 9 english words between them and i'm totally covered in two kinds of goo.

Then the GRANDE grande finale was they had me sit on a chair and two large tubs of rose petal filled warm water sat on the floor in front of me. Before i knew it, one was dumping huge buckets of this warm rose water over my head, it was a deluge. (sort of like when you are trying to surf and you get rolled by a wave and you just come up for air only to have another one break on top of you). The other girl was shampooing me madly like I was a four year old who couldn't wash her own hair and the buckets of water kept coming and coming, my eyes were squeezed shut, I was stealing sips of breath when I could. What felt like many young female hands rubbed my body free of all the mud and muck and herbal scrub. My eyes were still squeezed shut to keep out the soap so this was all by feeling. Wow. Still haven't decided if i loved it or hated it.

I had rose petals in places i never knew i could have rose petals.