cooked

Finally.

India has worn me down.

It's my fault really.

With imminent departure on the horizon I made the mistake of allowing myself to daydream about things like hot tubs and washing machines, showers that don't involve a bucket and scoop, bedrooms that don't fill with mosquitoes at dawn and dusk, perhaps even avocados and whole wheat toast with butter and jam.

And now that i've allowed myself the luxury of daydreaming about these things, the absence of them has become suddenly, glaringly annoying. This coupled with the heat is making me very antsy.

Yes, this country is beginning to spit me out. It's done with me.

I marvel that the things I once found quaint and charming now seem, after my work here for the time being is done, simply inconvenient and backwards.

Tomorrow I will arrive at New Delhi train station, from where i will either A) grab a taxi for the airport and catch a flight to vancouver or B)(and the least favoured option if you haven't already guessed) get a room and try to figure out where to go from there... an air conditioned room.

Perhaps I will go to Dharamsala in the mountains where the heat doesn't chase you around relentlessly until you are drained and unable to think a coherent thought.

I've been indulging in daydreams of international travel, specifically international travel that lands me back on Vancouver soil, too much so that now i'm restless.

I was on a waitlist to fly home April 30. I'm still on the wait list, but with 36 hours to go before the flight departs, i doubt if anything is going to happen with that now. They sound so optomistic when i call, it gives you false hopes. So we're still waiting. I have a confirmed flight for the 3rd week of May so I will have to wait until then.

I have decided to leave the ashram. I need a little freedom and autonomy for awhile. Get out, see some stuff.

Send cool thoughts please,

loving you all,

ang