well, this teaching thing has really got me on my toes. It amazes me that i can be having a totally down/off day or whatever, and even be thinking "how am i going to get myself in the headspace to give so much energy to so many people and guide them all through yoga class?" but i get dressed and i braid my hair and i look in the mirror and smile. I pack up my book and my crystal, some incense, matches and a clock and toddle off to my yoga hall. I set everything up. I light a candle, i burn the incense, i say a prayer, i turn some music on, i get everything ready, do everything i have to do and then it just happens. Even if i don't have a very set out plan written down... half the time i end up forgetting what i was going to do and totally go off on a tangent but sometimes this works out for the best anyhow.
Take for today for example, i completely forgot that i was going to do a bunch of standing breathing exercises. As it turns out, at the end of class, one of the students came up to me and said that when he was doing some of our seated breathing exercises it was making him feel dizzy. This happens sometimes with people of certain constitutions. anyhow. i advised him of course to listen to his body first above all and if he feels any sensation to just stop and come down and rest. And LUCKY that i HAD forgot to do those standing breathing exercises or i could have had a fainter on my hands, from STANDING, no less! so someone is looking out for me up there. phew.
It is so important when i am teaching, to mix and mingle with the students so i can feel their energy and let my intuition guide me on what direction to go next, rather than sticking to a strict routine that i decided on before class and refuse to deviate from. Also the weather is warming up so i have to be a bit more gentle on everyone as they are doing warm yoga, not hot yoga, its not 36 degrees yet, but its warm.
What i am beginning to see now that i really enjoy is the students that have been with me everyday for a week now, learning to trust me, I can see them relaxing into it and they know what is coming next, what my teaching style is and i can feel them trusting me and following me wherever i am guiding them. This is amazing to witness. Because i know what that feels like from the other side, when you are the student and putting yourself in your teacher's hands, putting your body and your trust in their hands by following what they tell you. It's like a giant game of Simon says. Remember playing that game when you were a kid? "Simon says raise your left hand, Simon says bend your left knee" its pretty fun. ..... What do you do for a living? oh, i play simon says.
They moved me today. Boy do i have aLOT of stuff. I have accumulated over the months. They gave me a new room, with a better view, quieter, nicer, bigger, better in everyway, high ceilings, east facing, but it is hotter, that is the only problem. my old room was dingy and dark like a cave , but at least it was cool. Something that is becoming essential now with the weather turning.
I have developed this extreme lethargy in the afternoon hours from about 11 to 4 when i just feel like i can't lift a limb, all i want to do is doze. So that is what i am letting myself do. All the Indians do it, so it must be the thing to do. Then everyone comes alive again at night. except i am usually in bed by 9pm and up by 4am. I keep crazy hours. My body is on its own natural cycle and i'm just going with it.
Anyhow. enough, i'm sure you didn't sign in here to read all about my napping habits. sorry its so boring. I guess in conclusion, i will say that it is amazing that i can have a down or off day, pull myself together to put myself in front of a classroom of 20 and just do it, because it needs to happen, and then after, i feel so charged with energy, i feel like my sense of purpose in the world is being satisfied, and people's responses are so amazing. i feel so blessed. It's almost like i am growing into this new me, this me that is capable of so much, but the old me is fighting the new me and trying to drag me back, but its not working, the new me is winning. when teaching is so enriching and rewarding..... there's no turning back.
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